A friend of mine has a gambling problem
This information is for people whose friend has a gambling problem. Do you recognize yourself in any of these situations?
- You have just found out that a friend is gambling.
- Your friend gambles and lies about it.
- Your friend has lost a lot of money after a period of gambling.
- Your friend has started gambling again after a period of not gambling.
- You are looking for help for your friend.
- You are looking for help for yourself to cope with this.
The situation
You have just found out that a friend is (still) gambling a lot. This can trigger emotions. You may be disappointed, or feel sad or angry. That is completely normal. You may have thought you knew your friend well. Now you no longer know what to believe.
Why do people gamble?
People gamble for various reasons. Many who gamble want to win more money than they have staked, seek relaxation or excitement to suppress feelings, or dream of winning the jackpot. When they gamble, they do not think about their problems for a moment. They are constantly preoccupied with gambling. Even when they are not gambling, they think about it. Cutting down, even a little, is very difficult for them. They have to fight themselves every day.
How can I help my friend?
Quitting gambling is challenging, and support from those around them is very important. You cannot force your friend to stop, but together you can discuss the situation. What do they see as the benefits of gambling? And what are the negative consequences of gambling?
Try to start the conversation by saying, for example:
“I am worried, so I would like to talk with you about it. When are you available this week?”
Tips for helping someone
1. Talk with your friend
You usually find out that your friend has problems due to gambling because they tell you or because you discover it. That is often a big shock. Choose a good moment to talk about it, for example during a walk.
Keep the following in mind:
- Acknowledge that it will not be an easy conversation.
- Keep the conversation open.
- Listen carefully to your friend.
- Do not judge your friend.
- Try to understand your friend.
- Make it clear that you want to help.
- Ask what they get out of gambling.
– This keeps the conversation from becoming too heavy
– You will find out why they gamble
– You can support them better in stopping - Tell them you care about them and that you are concerned.
- Make sure it does not become a back-and-forth argument.
2. Do not try to solve the problem
Let your friend solve their own problems. Have them self-exclude by, for example, registering with Cruks.
- Do not give money and never pay off debts. By giving money and/or paying off debts, you can get yourself into trouble. It can also cause your friend to continue gambling.
- Let your friend decide for themselves what will help them in this situation. If you take everything out of their hands, they will not learn to come up with a solution themselves. This can cause them to continue gambling.
- Support your friend in finding solutions, for example by creating a step-by-step plan together to pay off any debts.
You can find information about debt counseling here
3. Lower the barrier to getting help
Quitting gambling on your own is very difficult. That has nothing to do with a lack of willpower. An addiction is tough. Fortunately, a lot of help is available. Consider:
- Online support
- Therapy (sometimes with medication)
- Self-help groups (with other gamblers)
See the full overview of support in the help finder.
4. Offer hope for a better future
5. Seek help for yourself
Sometimes talking no longer helps. For example, if your friend keeps gambling. Or if they become angry, aggressive, or violent. In that case, prioritize your own safety. Also when there are money problems that affect you. In such situations, you can seek help yourself. You are not alone. As a loved one, you can also receive help and support. See here what is available.
6. Have them self-exclude and register with Cruks
If nothing helps, as a loved one you can also register someone with Cruks. There is a special section for loved ones.