My partner has a gambling problem
This information is for people whose partner has a gambling problem. Do you recognize yourself in one of these situations?
- You just found out that your partner gambles.
- Your partner gambles and lies about it.
- Your partner has lost a lot of money after a period of gambling.
- Your partner has started gambling again after a period of stopping.
- You are looking for help for your partner.
- You are looking for help for yourself to cope with this.
The situation
You just found out that your partner (still) gambles a lot. This can trigger emotions. You may feel sad, angry, or confused. That is completely normal.
You may have thought you knew your partner well. Now you no longer know what to believe. You might wonder: is this because of me or our relationship? Often that is not the case, but it can feel that way.
Why do people gamble?
People gamble for various reasons. Many people who gamble want to win more money than they have wagered, they want to experience a feeling of relaxation or excitement to suppress emotions, or they have a dream of winning the jackpot. When they gamble, they temporarily forget about their problems. They are always preoccupied with gambling. Even when they are not gambling, they think about it. Gambling less is already very difficult for them. They then have to fight against themselves every day.
How can I help my partner?
Stopping gambling is a challenge where support from the environment is very important. Do not gamble in the presence of your partner. Therefore, do not participate in betting either, such as a football pool. This can already be a trigger for your partner to gamble as well. You cannot force your partner to stop, but together you can discuss the situation. What do they see as advantages of gambling? And what are the negative consequences of gambling?
Try to start the conversation by saying, for example:
“I am worried, so I would like to talk about that with you sometime. When can you do this this week?”
Tips to help someone
1. Talk to your partner
You usually find out that your partner has problems due to gambling because he/she tells you or because you discover it. That is often a big shock. Choose a good moment to talk about this. For example, during a walk.
Pay attention to the following:
- Indicate that it will not be an easy conversation.
- Ensure an open conversation.
- Listen carefully to your partner.
- Do not judge your partner.
- Try to understand your partner.
- Indicate that you want to help.
- Ask what gambling brings him/her.
– This way the conversation does not become too heavy
– You find out why your partner gambles
– You can better support your partner in stopping - Tell them that you care about him/her and that you are worried.
- Make sure it does not become a yes-no argument.
2. Do not try to solve the problem
Let your partner solve his or her own problems. Let him or her take a gambling ban by registering themselves, for example, with Cruks.
- Do not give money and never pay off debts. By giving money and/or paying off debts, you can get into trouble yourself. This can also cause your partner to continue gambling.
- Let your partner think of what will help him or her in this situation. When you take everything out of their hands, he/she does not learn to think of a solution themselves. This can cause your partner to continue gambling.
- Support your partner in finding solutions, for example by making a step-by-step plan together to pay off debts.
You can go here for information about debt assistance.
3. Reduce the step to help
Stopping gambling yourself is very difficult. That has nothing to do with insufficient willpower. An addiction is serious. Fortunately, a lot of help is available. Think of:
- Online help
- Therapy (sometimes with medication)
- Self-help groups (with other gamblers)
See the complete overview of help in the help finder.
4. Offer hope for a better future
5. Seek help for yourself
Sometimes talking no longer helps. For example, if your partner continues to gamble. Or if he or she becomes angry, aggressive, or violent. Then think especially about your own safety. Also if there are money problems that affect you or your family. In such situations you can seek help yourself. You are not alone. As a loved one, you can also get help and support. See here what is possible.
6. Have someone take a gambling ban and register in Cruks
If nothing helps, you as a loved one can also register someone with Cruks. There is a special section for loved ones.